>_> I'm just falling for the man... like in the admiration kind of. I just think he's totally awesome !

For the vast majority of you - don't look for this name in CSI, Lost, Dexter or god knows what is hip and hot today. Wilbur Larch is a fictional character from a book - The Cider House Rules - written by John Irving. (I'm just totally liking his style ! There is not a whole lot of American writers whom I have in my heart but this name is getting in my Top 5 !! )

So yeah - I just love Wilbur's attitude towards issues in life. (And he's soo cute with his "Here in Saint Cloud's " or the "In other parts of the world" and the usual sarcasm and stuff. And yeah his life without sex is also a major bonus - just too bad more men cannot think and act like him !

Back to Life - mine : Finished my exams, finished my second year and now 3/4 sure I'm gonna look for a work which is not quite related with these studies. I will finish the studies because : a) my parents always wanted me to study something in the medical field and no way in hell I'll be a doctor ! ( I thought of being a coroner but ... you gotta do medical school for that) and since they refused to see me work in a funeral house (my second best pic) I ended up doing this. But that does not guarantee I'm gonna work in it ! Unless I find a really small clinic or doctor's office, or anyplace small and dusty and crispy. And influenced by the lecture of John Irving, an orphenage is now almost as tempting as a psychiatric institution. I want (I NEED) a place where I will be a stranger, an outsider, a visible minority, an outcast.

I never really felt any bond with my parents and when my sister left home in a rush I felt my world falling into chaos! I mean - do you know many 14 year old girls who feel orphans when they big sister leave to live with her boyfriend ? Do you know many girls of that age who look across the apartment from the living room to the kitchen and suddenly feel like looking at two strangers with whom she'll be stuck for the remaining years ? When my sister left - I felt I was totally alone in this world. My parents didn't meant nothin' to me. I suddenly realized I didn't knew them - never felt them as "mom" and "dad". It's like his big issue of me being genetically a girl yet in my mind that's a bit of a different perspective.

It's weird how I have this need to be alone and feel totally stranger to most ppl to feel good with myself. I cannot say I feel like an orphan - I always had "parental authority" and my sister who was everything for me but I always considered the family in my head (who kinda changed according to how I felt) more present and more important than the real deal.

Meh - random rants and thoughts of a psycho - enjoy the rests of your day ^___^